


They Knew

by sighmonk



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Keith (Voltron) Has BPD, Lance (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Minor canon divergence, Pining Lance (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Trans Lance (Voltron), Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 21:05:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16772920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sighmonk/pseuds/sighmonk
Summary: After a battle with the Galra leaves the castle without any air conditioning, the temperature quickly raises to uncomfortable levels - calling for the Paladins to suffer through the heat until they arrive at the next planet, which is a day's travel away. In the meantime, they do what they need to in order to not pass out - and that means taking off their shirts.Except for Lance, who has something to hide. Unbeknownst to him, the others are already aware of his secret.





	They Knew

Pidge was the first one to break.

Everyone was sitting around in the common room of the castle, having nothing to do after their last battle with the Galra. The battle had done quite a number on the castle, with one of the cruisers managing to hit the castle with a plasma beam. The result was the air conditioning breaking (and luckily, that was it), and the temperatures quickly soared to disgustingly hot numbers. Coran swore he was trying his best to fix it, though he didn't really know why the humans were complaining - apparently the Alteans were much more hardy when it came to withstanding temperatures. But Pidge, who was used to being inside all day, was done.

"That's it!" she screamed out of nowhere, making the other paladins jump in surprise. She set her laptop to the side, letting out a huff as she did so. "I'm sick and fucking tired of this heat!" And with that, she unzipped her jacket, letting it fall to the ground beneath her, tearing off the black shirt she worse beneath and letting it drop on top of her jacket. She let out a sigh, adjusted her black sports bra, and sat herself back against the couch, pulling her laptop onto her lap and continuing whatever she was doing.

The other paladins stared at her in shock for a moment, a little bit surprised at the outburst. Of course, Shiro was the first to speak.

"Pidge," he began his voice cautious. "Are you su - "

"Very sure, Shiro," she replied, effectively cutting him off before he could even finish. "My scanners say that it's close to one-hundred degrees, and that it will top off at one-ten within the next hour. I'm hot as balls, sweating my ass off, and it's not as if me walking around in a bra is going to bother anyone. Right?"

Shiro let out a sigh. "I mean, you're a girl, and I know it's hot, but..."

"I can't help but agree with Shiro," Allura chimed in, walking in with a tray full of water. "At least on Altea, it was kind of inappropriate for women to be shirtless."

"Relax, Pidge," Hunk said casually. He sat next to the girl, placing a hand on her shoulder as he felt her body tense up at their words, and turned his attention to the two before him as he grabbed a glass from the tray. "Look, guys. It's really hot, and I was actually about to take off my shirt as well. Why would it bother if she has her shirt off."

"Not to mention she's not even fully exposed," Lance chimed up from his position on the floow, not moving from his laid-down position. His eyes were stull completely closed, casually throwing up a hand as he spoke. "Not that it would matter of course. Back in Cuba, if it got too hot, everyone would run around shirtless."

Hunk nodded, sliding his vest off as he spoke. "Yeah man, same thing in Samoa. Whether it was the culture or the temperatures, I'm not sure. My mom and aunts were always in bikini tops, especially in the summer." He stopped for a moment. "I know you guys are from different cultures, but I'm with Pidge on this one."

Keith turned to Shiro, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to abide by Garrison rules, Shiro. Just relax."

Shiro let out a sigh. "It's not that I'm against it. I just... back when I was a kid, such a thing would be seen as wrong. At least, in Japan... I don't know." He paused, turning back to Pidge, and smiled gently. "I've been too paranoid since escaping the Galra again. I'm sorry for causing you any distress, Pidge. You're not doing anything wrong."

"I fuckin' know I'm not," Pidge muttered, going back to her computer, though it was clear that she was still uncomfortable and rather irritated.

There was a heaviness in the air, and the silence was thick until there was a ruffling of clothing, and Hunk gripped the corners of his shirt again. "I'm not very confident in my body, you know. I'm not exactly buff like Shiro is, but I've got to admit, it's getting too hot for me," he said cautiously, ripping his shirt over his head and tossing it alongside his vest.

A whistle sounded from Lance, who opened one of his eyes to look at his friend. "Woo, take it off buddy!"

With that, everyone in the room broke out into gentle laughter, and Lance smiled at his ability to lighten the mood. He wouldn't ever say it, but he tried his best to keep relations between the team comfortable, and he still found himself excited when he was able to make others happy.

Hunk was the first to break his laughter, turning to look down at his friend. "Why don't you join us, Lance?"

"Nah," Lance said casually, dismissing the idea. "I grew up in Cuba; it was a lot hotter there. I already have my jacket off, and for now, I'm doing fine."

"We all have our jackets off, actually," Keith quipped, raising his eyebrows as he looked down at the Cuban boy.

Lance rolled his eyes, not bothering to look towards Keith as he spoke. "Whatever man. I just hope Coran can get the heat fixed soon."

* * *

Coran did not get the heat fixed soon.

Nearly a day later, the temperature still was riding dangerously in the low hundreds, and the other residents of the castle were starting to feel it, even Coran and Allura. Most of the day, the paladins were either lazing in their rooms or handing in their lions' hangars, hopping in and out of their lions if they got too hot (luckily enough, the lions had air conditioning).

But that didn't stop the paladins from walking around the castle, trying to continue on with their daily duties - even though Shiro had scolded Keith for training until he passed out from the heat. But to say the paladins were getting on without any trouble would be wrong.

And Lance was no exception.

Sure, he was used to the heat, as he had grown up in Cuba, but even then, this was a little too extreme - even for him. Slipping his baseball tee back over his head, Lance stepped out of his lion, patting Red gently as he began walking out of the hangar. He could hear her purring in the back of his mind, and a smile grew on his face as he found himself walking towards the kitchen.

As he stepped in, he could hardly stifle the blush that instantly overtook his face. Not only Hunk and Pidge were shirtless anymore - Allura, Coran, and Shiro were all shirtless as well, lounging around the kitchen and taking turns in front of the fridge-like contraption. Seeing Hunk and Pidge without a shit was one thing - but the princess and the man Lance had admired since he was a little kid? Yeah, that was something else entirely.

"Oh, Lance!" Allura greeted, turning her head from the chill as he took a few steps forward. "We were just going to send you a comm. Hunk thought we could sit in front of the chiller for a while!"

"It was a great idea too," Coran added, scratching the back of his neck. "I had to take a break from repairing things. I guess I'm not as hardy as I used to be."

Lance nodded slowly, his face burning as he faced the princess. He didn't know what he was expecting, but she was wearing a sports-bra looking thing that gathered only around her neck, and was white and pink in color, much like her battle suit. And, though Lance would never call himself a pervert, and he had seen plenty of women wearing something similar, he couldn't help but let his eyes linger on her chest, his face heating up unintentionally. God, she was beautiful, but to say he wasn't a little insecure in that moment would be a life.

His thoughts were cut off, however, when Keith shoved his way into the room, shirtless, and pushed everyone out of the way. "Move, I'm getting in the fucking fridge!" he growled, jumping in front of Shiro and taking a deep sigh.

Lance couldn't help but stifle the laugh that escaped his throat at that. "Dude, were you training again? You're sweaty as hell."

"I have to keep fit, Lance!" Keith growled back - perhaps the joking nature Lance had picked up on was wrong. "I keep fucking up during battle, and I need to get my head in the game. But I'm sweating my ass off right now and I need to relax."

" _I need to relax_ is an understatement, Keith," Shiro said, looking down at his friend. "I think you're riding a high right now."

Keith let out a sigh, letting his head lull into the chiller. "I know, Shiro. I'm just... trying to chill. I don't want to yell at anyone for no reason when we're all miserable."

"Fair enough. Just, move over," Shiro teased, forcing his was way so that he could stand next to him in the path of the cool air.

Lance let out a sigh as he watched the exchange, deciding to walk over to where Hunk and Pidge were sat at the table, cold rags pressed to their heads and lazing in front of a fan-like contraption, only it had no visible blades moving the air. "So, how'd you manage to convince Shiro to take his shirt off?" Lance asked, raising an eyebrow towards his friends. "He seemed so opposed to it yesterday."

Pidge looked up from the table, her eyes tired. "He tried sparring with Keith earlier and he hated how the clothes stuck to him. He said it reminded him too much of... his time being in Zarkon's arena," she said, lowing her voice as she said the last part.

"He's been doing pretty fine since then. He even says his head hurts less," Hunk chimed in. "He took a turn resting in Blue a while ago, and apparently she helped him relax, even though she's not bonded with him."

Lance chuckled at that, pulling out a chair and sitting himself down. "Yeah, well, Blue is really gentle. She'll still help me if I'm ever really distressed."

"You? Distressed?" Pidge laughed, raising her eyebrows in amusement. "What, when some alien chick ignores you? I don't think that should count as distressed."

At her words, Lance flinched ever-so-slightly, but he refused to let Pidge know that she had gotten to him. After all, he couldn't really blame her - he tried his best to put off the idea that there was nothing wrong with him and that he wasn't really bothered by anything. He had come to the realization a long time ago that he was the weak-link of the team - _the seventh wheel_ \- and he knew they wouldn't really care, regardless of how much pressure he was under.

So he smiled anyways, laughing it off as though it were a joke.

But the glance Hunk sent him said differently - it said that he knew that what Pidge said hurt him. Of course _Hunk_ of all people would be able to pick up on his distress. They had been friends since they entered the academy years ago and knew more about him than anyone else on the ship. But even then, Hunk didn't know everything.

"I know, even someone like me can be upset sometimes!" he chuckled, making sure that his words were laced with enough bitterness for Pidge to notice, but she said nothing in response.

Hunk shook his head, turning his attention back to his friend. "Hey, Lance, why don't you take your shirt off?" he asked. "Coran said we'll be landing on a planet in about another day to get the repairs done, but until then, we can't have you passing out man."

A twinge of panic flared up in Lance's chest, but he pushed it down quickly, forcing himself to sound casual as he spoke. "I've been through a lot worse than this, buddy. I'm fine."

"You're sweating through your shirt," Pidge pointed out, sounding unconvinced.

"That's weird. I was just relaxing in Red for a bit," Lance muttered, leaning back in the kitchen chair. "It doesn't really matter. I'm fine, really."

"You sound more anxious than usual, Lance," Hunk said quietly, sitting up all the way. "Hey, do you want to go talk for a bit? Yellow's telling me she's missing me."

The panic that Lance was trying hard to cover surfaced again, and he couldn't stop himself as he stood up rapidly, nodding quickly, and made a quick run for the door. Regardless of what the others thought of him, Lance wasn't stupid, and he knew that running all the way to Yellow's hangar would do nothing to help the situation, but in the moment, he couldn't stop his long legs from sprinting down the vacant hallways, tapping in a steady pace the entire way.

It couldn't have been too long, but by the time Lance found himself sitting on Yellow's paw, he was winded, sweating profusely and lungs screaming for air. Usually, running would calm him down, clear his thoughts, but now he just found himself even more helpless, thoughts consuming him in a way that he knew all too well. He knew this was going to happen eventually - he already had a close call with Keith and the team once - but to be in the moment made him feel almost sick, and he didn't even notice when Hunk entered the room.

"Woah, dude, take a breath," Hunk said, sounding surprised at the sight before him. He kneeled on the ground in front of Lance, placing one hand on his shoulder and giving a gentle smile. "I didn't think you'd be crying by the time I got here."

Lance blinked in confusion, reaching up to feel his face. He was surprised to feel the wetness on his fingertips, and instantly wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve. "Sorry," he muttered, looking back down at his hands.

"It's okay, Lance," Hunk assured him, standing again and helping his friend up as well. "Did you run the whole way here? You're absolutely soaked."

"Yeah, I'm kind of an idiot," Lance joked, smiling painfully. Hunk shook his head slowly.

"You're really not, Lance. A bit airheaded, yeah, but I've known you long enough to know that you're really stressed. So can you tell me what's up man?"

Lance took a breath, nodding slowly. He really forgot what it was like to do this - it had been something he didn't think he'd have to do ever again. But this was his friend - his best buddy - and he knew that Hunk would never do anything to hurt him. "Do you remember how, maybe two months before this Voltron thing happened, I was in the hospital for a week?" Lance began, not daring to look Hunk in the eye.

Hunk nodded slowly, thinking back. "Yeah, for pneumonia?"

"Yeah, well, it wasn't for pneumonia," Lanca said, looking off to the side. "It was for top surgery."

"Okay? I don't know what that is," Hunk admitted.

With an exaggerated sigh, Lance hooked his fingers under the hem of his shirt and pulled the thing over his head, letting it fall to the ground with a thud. Perhaps he hadn't noticed just how sweaty he was, but the minute the shirt was off, he felt a kind of relief wash over him - he was instantly more cool, and much less soaked. It was like a rush of fresh air - until he remembered why he had taken his shirt off, and he looked back up nervously to his friend.

To say he was ashamed of his chest would be wrong - quite the opposite, in fact. Never before had he been more comfortable with the flatness of his chest, which he had longed for since the moment they started growing. Even the scars that lined the bottom of his pecs were a comfort to him as he ran his fingers across the paling pink marks, reminding him how far he'd come and how manly he was. But no one else had seen him shirtless since the day it was done, about a year before, and he wasn't particularly fond of telling the team. After all, they were incredibly smart people - much smarter than Lance himself thought he was - and they would have no problem putting two-and-two together.

To them, he was just another guy - not the _trans_ guy. He wanted to keep it that way.

Sure, there was that once indecent where he and Keith had met each other on the way to the pool, but he had the towel to cover his chest for the most-part, and it wasn't like Keith was really looking at him most of the time anyways (the guy had looked thoroughly whipped). Since then, Lance had known they'd find out eventually, and he told himself he had to tell them, lest he be subjected to too many questions after they found out. Perhaps this turn of events offered the best way to do so, but that didn't take away the anxiety he felt as he started at his best friend, who took in the scars on his chest with little more than raised eyebrows.

"Oh, _that_ kind of top surgery!" Hunk said eventually. "So, uh, you're..."

"Trans?" Lance offered up, hating the way his voice broke at the words. "Yeah. And I know that the others would realize that if I took my shirt off in front of them. I mean, you did."

Hunk smiled sadly. "Oh, Lance, come here," he said, pulling his friend into a firm hug.

Though shocked for a moment, Lance was never one to turn a hug down, and wrapped his hands around his friend's shoulders, fake gagging at the sweat that coated the both of them. "I don't think either of us will cool off like this," he joked, though he was grateful for the contact - he hated to admit it, but he was rather touch-starved.

"We can always sit in Yellow for a bit if we get too hot," Hunk said, unwrapping his arms from around Lance. "But, in all seriousness, am I the first person you've told?"

Lance nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, I trust you more than the others, so... and you're my best friend. You deserve to know."

"I don't think anyone deserves to know if you don't want them to," Hunk replied, a small smile on his face. "But I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me first."

"I do need to tell the others though," Lance muttered, scratching the back of his head. "I just... I'd rather get it out of the way instead of them finding out when I'm injured on a mission, you know?"

Hunk thought silently for a moment, looking back up at Lance once he thought of something. "Wait, didn't Coran and Shiro put you in the healing pod after Sendak invaded the castle?"

"Uh, yeah..? What's your point?" the shorter of the two asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Didn't they have to... change you into a med-suit?"

In that moment, Lance's blood ran cold, and he had to fight the urge to heave his guts out. Back then, his mind had been to cloudy to remember changing out of the suit and being in only his boxers, but now that he was thinking about it again, it was all too clear. Shiro for sure knew that he was trans - his scars were much more prominent back then. Whether Coran knew or not, he wasn't sure - he probably did, since he read the results of the full-body scan, which were only in Altean. Whatever the case, his hero, Takashi Shirogane, knew he was trans, and had known he was trans, for months.

"Oh fuck," Lance breathed, lowering himself to sit on Yellow's paw.

"Hey, Lance, it's okay," Hunk said, voice almost panicked as he lowered himself to sit beside his friend. "Clearly Shiro doesn't have an issue with it! Otherwise, he would have said so then, you know?"

Nodding absentmindedly, the Cuban boy cupped his face in his hands, trying to take deep breaths. "It's not that he knows that bothers me," Lance muttered. "It's that I didn't get to tell him on my terms. You know how much I look up to Shiro."

"Yeah, you had ' _What would Shiro do_?' written on your whiteboard in our dorm," Hunk said, laughing a little bit at the ridiculousness of it.

"The thing is, now he knows that I was hiding part of myself... he knew for months that I was insecure enough to not let anyone else know," Lance practically cried, throwing his hands down in frustration. "I try my hardest to not let anyone know how anxious and hurt I am all the time, and now my hero finds out I'm trans without me telling him? God, this sucks!"

"Hey, take it easy man," Hunk says gently, placing his hand on Lance's shoulder. "Get worked up enough and I'll have to start calling you Keith."

Lance chuckled softly at the joke, shaking his head. "I know it sounds stupid, but..."

"It's not stupid," Hunk demanded, voice still soft. "Think about it like this. Everyone but you found out Pidge was a girl before she told us, but we said nothing because we wanted to respect her, and we wanted her to tell us on her terms. Sure, it's different, but I'm positive Shiro doesn't think less of you because you're trans. I mean, I sure don't. You're still the stupid flirt I've known since we were fourteen."

After a moment to think, Lance smiled gently, reaching forward to give Hunk a hug. "Thanks man," he said before pulling back. "By the way, I thought Pidge was just a feminine guy... after all, I have my own feminine traits, you know?"

"I don't see anything that's girly about you," Hunk said, standing and offering a hand to Lance. "Maybe your skin-care routine, but that's more healthy than anything."

Taking Hunk's hand, Lance pulled himself up, giving a small laugh at his friend's words. "I think you're lying, but I appreciate the sentiment." He paused for a moment, turning towards the door to the hangar. "Hey, are you sure that they won't care that I'm trans? Because it's really hot and I really don't want to put my shirt back on."

"Of course they won't care," Hunk said.

"Not even Keith?"

"He looks at you like you're the sun, Lance," Hunk deadpanned. "I doubt this will change that."

A flush instantly overtook Lance's cheeks. "What are you even talking about dude?"

"I'm not stupid Lance; I've seen the looks you he gives you, and I don't think you're blind to them either." Hunk paused for a moment, shaking his head. "But that's a talk for another time. Yes, I'm positive, no one will care."

Letting out a sigh, Lance reluctantly took a step forward, Hunk at his side as he walked out of Yellow's hangar. "You better be right."

Though he wouldn't admit it, his hands were shaking the whole way back to the kitchen, and the idle chatter made between the two did little to calm his nerves. Of course Hunk wouldn't matter - he knew the guy so well, he never would have put it past him to be anything but nice. Despite his better judgement, Lance's mind wandered down every possibility of what could happen, though he knew it was ridiculous. He was snapped out his thoughts as he approached the kichen, however, his hands tightening into fists at the gravity of the situation.

"Hey," Hunk said gently. "It's okay. You're okay, Lance."

"Thanks," Lance whispered, forcing himself to relax.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped inside the kitchen, only to see the rest of the team in much of the same position he had left them. Pidge was the first to look up from her position on the table, across from Coran and Allura, as she saw the two walk in.

"Oh, there you two are. Took you a while..." Her words trailed off as she looked over the Cuban boy, her eyes unmistakably landing on his chest. "Uh, Lance?"

"Yeah?" Lance said, forcing himself to sound nonchalant as he made his way over to the table. "What's up?"

"Your, uh, chest," she said, scrunching her brows in slight confusion. "Are those surgical scars?"

The word scars seemed to draw everyone's attention, and the subtle chatter that had been going on around the room instantly silenced down. Even Shiro and Keith, who had been standing in front of the chiller, turned to look, confusion on Keith's face and something akin to pride on Shiro's.

Lance took a breath, responding only after Hunk gave him a subtle nod. "Yeah, they're top surgery scars. I, uh... I'm trans."

"Oh, okay. I thought that's what it was, but I wanted to make sure," Pidge said matter-of-factly, turning back to her computer, looking oddly satisfied. "Really glad they're not parasites or something. Not in the mood to deal with that today."

" _Okay_? That's it?" Lance nearly shouted, somewhat flabbergasted. "I literally just told you I'm trans and the only thing you say is okay?"

Pidge raised her eyebrows, tipping her head to the side in confusion. "What am I supposed to say? You're gross? Dude, it doesn't bother me; besides, I've known for a while."

A silence fell over the room before a harsh, "What?!" echoed from Lance. "What do you mean you've known for a while?!"

"I have an Altean-English translator," Pidge said, clicking something on her laptop before turning it around to face Lance. "This was the result of your body-scan from after the Sendak indecent. If you look at the sex portion, it shows female." With that, she turned her laptop back to herself, closing the document with a shrug. "Clearly, you aren't a girl, so why bother bringing it up? You're a dude, trans or not. I literally could not give less of a shit that you're trans. So is my brother."

Utterly shocked, Lance stayed silent, face blank aside from slight traces of distress. "So... you knew also."

"We did as well," Allura admitted, and Coran nodded alongside her. "About your biological sex, at least, for the same reason as Pidge. I'm not sure what trans means, but I assume it's the same as the _állaxe_ on Altea."

" _Állaxe_?" Lance asked, voice sounding small.

"They were born one sex, but felt the other," Coran supplied, offering a reassuring smile. "We assumed the same of you after the Sendak indecent... especially after we learned more about human biology and compared the scans of everyone else."

"That's the same as being transgender on earth," Lance said, trying to cover the sadness in his voice. "You guys are okay with that, right?"

Both Allura and Coran nodded, reassuring him as the saw the sadness in his eyes. "Of course, my boy. If anything, the struggles you've gone through to be yourself are admirable," Coran said.

"I have a feeling you weren't referring to us when you said someone also knew, though," Allura said, tilting her head.

Lance nodded slowly. Reluctantly, he turned back to look at the two still standing by the chiller, focusing his gaze on Shiro and refusing to look at Keith. "You knew also, didn't you, Shiro?"

There was a brief moment of silence before Shiro spoke. "Yeah, I knew," he said, turning fully to face the Cuban boy. "I saw the scars on your chest when I changed you into the medsuit. And, uh, the lack of..." he trailed off, gesturing subtly to Lance's body, and he knew exactly that he was talking about the boxer region. "Yeah. For what it's worth, it doesn't matter to me either."

"Why didn't any of you say anything?" Lance growled, feeling suddenly angry. "This is, like, the biggest secret I've ever had, and all of you knew. This isn't even a coming out anymore... this- this is a _confirmation_!"

"Hey, Lance, calm down buddy," Hunk said, reaching forward to place a hand on his shoulder. "This is a good thing! We all accept you!"

"No, this irritates me to no end!" Lance cried, shaking off Hunk's hand. "They all knew! I could have gone to them for so much; I didn't have to struggle alone but I fucking did because I was afraid when they all knew! I just..."

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Lance heard the others calling out to him as he ran from the kitchen, eyes filling with tears as he raced towards Red's hangar. The tapping of his feet was the only thing he heard as he hurried down the halls, that along with the shouting in his mind. For so long, he had been worried, making himself sick from fear at the prospect of his friends not accepting him. And to find out that they all knew the moment he worked himself up enough to actually tell them made him feel betrayed - like he didn't even matter enough for them to ask about him.

Coming to Red's hangar, he entered in the code to lock the door behind him, and he finally heard one of his sobs echo around the room. He hurried over to Red, climbing inside of her mouth within a matter of seconds, and curling into himself as he sat in the pilot seat.

" _What's wrong, Paladin_?" Red asked, a mixture of irritation and concern in her voice.

"You can read my mind, Red, you know what's wrong," Lance replied through sobs, ignoring the fact that he could speak to her telepathically.

They both sat silent for a moment before Red began to purr, trying her best to comfort the paladin. " _Ah, so you've told them... and they knew. You feel underplayed_."

"Very," the boy said.

" _You know you're being rather irrational,_ " Red said, blunt as usual. No wonder she was once bonded with Keith. " _They were trying to be supportive, and you're letting your own insecurities get in the way_."

Lance let out a snort, running a hand through his hair. "Aren't you just the sweetest," he deadpanned. "This is kind of a big deal on earth, you know. And a big deal to me."

Red let out a snort - or something close enough to a snort. " _You and Keith are too similar in that way. You both have deep insecurities and even higher walls. Humans are strange._ "

"This is why I go see Blue most of the time I'm upset," Lance retorted, irritation in his voice. "I don't need this right now. Open up."

Exasperation radiated from Red as she complied, lowering herself to the ground and opening her jaw. Lance stood and wrapped his arms around himself, looking down at the ground as he walked out. Perhaps he should have been looking up, as he bumped into something only a few feet out of the lion, looking up in a near-panic before he realized who it was.

"Oh. Keith," Lance said, voice quiet.

"Hey, Lance," Keith said, scratching the back of his head. A silence overtook the two, and after a moment, Keith looked back up, his eyebrows knitted in concern. "Want to go back to your room to talk?"

A nervous chuckle escaped Lance before he nodded, feeling too worn-out to deny the request.

The walk back to his room was quiet, neither of the two speaking at they made their way into his room. Once the door was shut, they both took a seat on his bed, Keith's fingers rapidly scratching the insides of his arms. Lance had noticed that he did this when he was nervous a long time ago, and had told him off about it more than once.

"Scratching," he reminded, gesturing to his arms.

Keith looked up and nodded quickly, pushing his hands between his thighs. "Sorry," he muttered.

"It's fine... by the way, how did you get in Red's hangar?"

"I still know the code."

Of course, Lance already knew that, and he cursed himself silently for momentarily forgetting. His thoughts had been elsewhere, as they always were.

"Anyways, what did you want to talk about? Gonna say you knew already too?"

"No, not at all!" Keith shouted, the near-desperation in his voice startling Lance. Noticing this, Keith cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his head. "No, I didn't know. So, um, I thought that, since you seemed so upset, you could..." He paused for a moment, looking up to meet Lance's eyes. "Come out to me?"

It took Lance a moment to realize what Keith was offering, but once he did, he pulled Keith into a hug, smiling when he realized that he was hugging back. After a moment, he pulled back, wiping the rest of the tears from his eyes before he spoke. "Yeah, I'd love to do that," he said, chuckling slightly.

Keith gave a small nod in response, urging him on.

"So, um, the scars, on my chest," Lance said, gesturing towards them. "They're from my top surgery, which I had about a year ago. I'm, uh, trans. I'm a man, but, uh, yeah."

"I had no idea, Lance," Keith said honestly, intertwining his fingers with Lance's. "I don't see you as any different, you know. Your scars... they make you who you are."

Lance was about to ask what he meant by that when Keith gestured to himself, specifically to his arms. "I have plenty of my own scars, you know," he said after a brief hesitation.

Leaning in a bit closer, Lance could see the pale outline of several faded lines, ranging from his his wrist up to his shoulders, where they got thicker and more pronounced. It suddenly occurred to Lance that he had never seen Keith shirtless before aside from that one time on the way to the pool, where they were both doing their best not to look at each other.

Without even asking Lance knew what they were from, and raised a worried glance to Keith.

"I'm not trying to upstage you or anything, if that's what you're thinking," Keith said suddenly, looking worried. "It's just... all of us have our insecurities. Shiro knew about me self-harming a long time before I told him, too."

Lance let his gaze travel over his arms again, raising one of his hands to rub gently along Keith's forearm. "How did he find out?" he asked, voice quiet.

"That one huge fight I got in when I was sixteen, back at the Garrison, where Griffin broke two of my ribs," Keith began, only continuing when Lance had nodded. "He stayed with me as the medics patched me up... and they had to take off my clothes to do so. When I woke up, Shiro wasn't there, and it wasn't until he caught me punching the wall about two months later that he told me I need to stop hurting myself."

"Did you stop?"

"For a bit, yeah," Keith muttered, voice shaking. "When Kerberos happened, I started again. For the most part, I've stopped, but I'm not going to lie and say... say I haven't done it since we've been in space."

The two were quiet for a long while, Lance looking up from Keith's arms to meet his pale violet gaze. There was so much emotion in those eyes that he could hardly believe they belonged to the same Keith that was supposed to be the stoic badass of the group, and yet, he could completely believe it. Red had told him how gaurded the former red paladin was, lashing out in anger so no one could get close, self-destructing, and Lance couldn't help but find himself drawn to Keith in that instant.

"Thank you for telling me," Lance said, smiling gently. "You're brave for doing that, you know."

"And so are you," Keith replied. "I'm sorry about the others, but I don't think that they were trying to hurt you or anything. I know it can suck, but..."

Lance sighed, running a hand through his short brown hair. "I know they weren't. I just... it was a moment I had worked myself up for. And... Shiro is kind of my hero. I know that sounds stupid, but I really didn't want my hero think I was insecure enough to be hiding something as big as who I am, you know? I mean, I am insecure, but..."

"Lance, relax," Keith said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Shiro has a lot of things he hides too, you know."

There was a slight pause before Lance nodded, looking down at his hands. "I guess I knew that. I just... wish I could have told him. Everyone, really."

Keith shrugged, a sympathetic look on his face. "I mean, you did tell them, you know?" He took one of Lance's hands in his own, giving a reassuring squeeze. "I know that doesn't change how shitty you feel, but you can be proud that you did it."

"I guess," Lance muttered, a flush creeping onto his cheeks. "A-anyways, we should head back. I think I should apologize."

Keith gave a quick nod of assurance, pulling his hand back from Lance as he noticed his reaction. "Yeah, that'd be a good idea. You don't need to apologize, though."

"I feel bad for yelling at them. They didn't do anything wrong, really," Lance argued, standing slowly. "I was just mad because I didn't think it through. I would have thought you'd be used to that by now."

"And I would have thought you'd be smarter than to say that," Keith growled, a smirk tugging on his lips as he stood.

"Yeah yeah, shut up already."

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I know I haven't posted in a while - I'm actually in college, which is an experience that would take too long to describe. But here I am, posting some most angst-filled bullshit.
> 
> I know I wrote a trans Keith story a while back, but I decided that Lance needs one too, as a lot of time people write trans Lance, they write him as really feminine and I just... didn't like that at all. So here's my take.
> 
> If y'all have any suggestions for what I should write next, let me know. I'm open to mostly anything, after all, and I'm off of classes for the next month. So uh, yeah. Suggest some things and critique the shit outta ma, cowards.


End file.
